


As Our Boat Is Untethered

by tbmd1066



Series: Carpet Burns and Carousels [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Canon Era, Episode: s02e08 The Sins Of The Father, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Magic Reveal, Soulmates, the happy ending is in chapter two though so watch out for that, two idiots in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbmd1066/pseuds/tbmd1066
Summary: The dust in the air blackened, going a horrible greenish-blue first as the red floated away. The light of it all dimmed. Merlin felt sick. "Magick bled and burned and died, not only by Uther's command but in grief at what it had lost. A part of it had been turned into something else, and now it was gone. So Magick went to find it."
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Carpet Burns and Carousels [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769542
Comments: 19
Kudos: 368





	1. It's Not Fair

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fourth part of a series, just in case you missed it. It stands on its own pretty well, but if you want to go and check out parts 1-3 you'll get some good gay pining and overwhelmingly technical analyses of magic, and that's always worth a read.
> 
> As things are going now, when Morgause spies on Arthur in her lair, she sees a very different picture: A prince, proudly watching their sister practice magic. This leads her to act very differently. Big cannon divergences from this point on.

Having Morgana and Arthur both on his side and fully cognizant of his magical activities made Merlin's life easier than he would ever realize. When Gwen was kidnapped pretending to be Morgana, the three conspirators were able to ride out and rescue her and Lancelot before the end of the next day. Removing the Lady Catrina from Uther's favour was challenging, as they had to do it within the castle, but in the end, the troll proved to be no match for them. Aredian, the witch-finder, was a figure literally drawn from Morgana's worst nightmares. Still, with Arthur's help, even he was swiftly defrauded.

Of course, things only ever did seem to get worse. It happened during one of those regular, aggravating family dinners that Uther insisted on having now and then.

Merlin and Morgana both knew better than to ignore their instincts. It only took a glance between them, Morgana sitting at Uther's left and Merlin standing behind Arthur, for them to know they both felt uneasy about something. Their fears were proven correct when the doors burst open with a forceful gust of wind, and a sorceress strode into the hall. 

Uther stood. "Seize her!" he commanded the two guards who'd already been smacked by the heavy oak doors. 

The woman standing before them radiated power. Her blonde hair whipped about in the winds that beat Uther's knights back, keeping her safe from their blades, or perhaps keeping them safe from her. Merlin could tell that she was strong, as strong as Nimueh, or Sigan. 

When she spoke, she amplified her own voice over the wind. As a servant, Merlin was a bit alarmed by the amount of dust it was picking up. "I have come to speak of a prophecy," she declared. "I will not be interrupted. Ġestillaþ!"

As soon as she said the spell, Merlin felt every muscle in his body constrict as he was immobilized, along with everyone else in the room, save the sorceress. His magic thrashed in his chest, buzzing at his fingertips with no way of getting out. He could just barely breathe and move his eyes. The winds died down, but the dust did not. The red fabric of her skirt stilled, the hem softly brushing the floor. Her hair settled around her shoulders, and the magic faded from her eyes, leaving them dark but no less fierce. 

"The future is not real." Merlin had heard this before. "It is the possible product of the past and present, but it is malleable, changeable to those who act to shape it. It is, however, predictable. By knowing the past and choosing what we do in the present, we know the future." She looked at Arthur with piercing dark eyes. "You must know the past, choose the present, shape the future, young prince." As much as Merlin agreed with her words, her tone was cold and unsettling.

"Ġesēþ mē biliþ." The dust in the air twisted and turned red, forming into the shape of a young, wealthy-looking couple. Their features were indistinct, but from their body language, it was clear they were sad. 

"King Uther," a strained groan was her only response from the king. "How you longed for an heir. A son." She spat out the last word as though it were a personal offence. "But your wife couldn't have children. So you turned to Nimueh." 

Merlin couldn't move an inch, his muscles stiff and going numb, but he felt goosebumps prickle all over him at the mention of Nimueh. The feeling only got worse as the seer waved her hand, and a cloud of blue dust formed a likeness of the Priestess. 

"You thought a High Priestess of the Old Religion would be able to bend the Laws of Life and Death without breaking them and give you and your wife a child you were never meant to have." She shook her head. "To create a life, a life must be given." The red figure of the woman blurred and shifted until the young king was holding an infant. "You knew this. Yet you blame magic for her death and have plunged your kingdom into terror because of it." Spears of blood-red dust lunged forward, pointing outwards from the figure of the king. The seer's eyes glowed, and flames danced around her fingers. Either she wasn't in great control of her magic or was skillful enough to cast without incanting. Merlin was going to bet upon the latter. If she went to kill Uther now, Merlin might not be able to stop her, he thought in a panic. But then she sighed and snuffed the flames. Smoke curled around her tight fists. The images drifted apart. Particles of dust floated slowly downwards as the colour faded away. 

"Your actions were wrong, but nature set its own solution. In trading lives, you tore a soul away from Magick itself." 

Merlin's magic lurched violently. The dust rose from the floor once again, glowing bright gold. It was only an illusion, but the way it threaded through the air was so familiar. Merlin almost felt like he did when he used magic, but he wasn't the one to call on it. It was if he'd spoken the tongue of the Old Religion, and his magic answered the call. The dusty threads of light wove together above the seer. 

_ Magick.  _ The word the seer had spoken echoed in his head. It was just an illusion she was weaving, but the word had sounded like she meant something more than just the force of magic that ran through every fibre of reality. That was what she was showing them now, but she meant the soul, the  _ being  _ of magic—the person. 

"It caused a tear in our world; the damage spread throughout all of reality itself." The dust blackened, going a horrible greenish-blue first as the Pendragon red floated away. The light of it all dimmed. Merlin felt sick. "Magick bled and burned and died, not only by Uther's command but in grief at what it had lost. A part of it had been turned into something else, and now it was gone. So Magick went to find it." The dust congealed into a form so dark and shapeless that it genuinely didn't look like anything. 

His magic screamed inside of him, though only he could hear. She was talking about the person. He could feel the pain of loss, the jagged edge of his soul that he tried to ignore because it dripped with agonizing pain. The tender, incomplete parts of him could not be ignored now that she'd called their name and shown their form.

They  _ howled. _

"The Purge sent mages of all sorts fleeing Camelot in droves," the seer continued speaking as if she couldn't hear the shrieking agony of his soul. The dust picked up again, showing passing waves of people, burning, hanging, running until one stopped. The blue figure of a man. "A warlock found favour in the eyes of Magick and love in the arms of another." 

When the green form of a woman shaped itself, Merlin  _ knew  _ who she was _.  _ His magic sensed her identity, rather than his eyes seeing any sort of recognizable feature. The sharp banging against the inside of his skin slowed, soothed. Even as a vague cloud of dust, he'd know his mother anywhere.

"Magick poured itself into the product of this union, power and soul into a living body. It became human." Merlin stared in awe as the dust shifted into the figure of a woman cradling a glowing infant. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand as he knew what the seer was about to say next.

"The druids call this man Emrys." The figures dissolved and shifted into the figure of a man, that same dark, broken colour. He was utterly indistinct, save for a pair of glowing eyes. The seer turned to Arthur. "You are to be the greatest king the world will ever know, so they say, and that Emrys will guide you, protect you," she smiled cruelly. "And take you." 

The figure reached out to Arthur. It looked fucking terrifying. But more importantly, it was  _ wrong _ . If he could have, Merlin would have smiled. The nature of the spell was honest, it was built into the wording, and by showing a dishonest image, the seer had lost control over it. The image disappeared, settling as regular, everyday dust and dirt on the ground before her. To her credit, she played it off well. No one but Merlin would have noticed. Morgana was getting good, but a linguistic trick like that still wouldn't have caught her attention.

"The day when Emrys shall claim you is coming soon." The seer declared, cutting through Merlin's satisfaction. Her eyes were still solely on Arthur as she smirked. "Don't look so pale, Prince Arthur. Your union shall repair the universal bonds of magic itself and unite the lands of Albion. Camelot and Magick shall come together in marriage and create a new world of peace and prosperity." 

Thank the Triple Goddess that Merlin couldn't move a muscle, because if it hadn't been for the seer's binding spell, he would have collapsed in shock. 

Marriage. 

Marriage?! 

No one had ever mentioned marriage before! Somehow, with all the prophecies and talks about destiny he'd had, no one had ever said that he was supposed to unite the lands of Albion through  _ fucking marriage!  _

He thought this outrage might be enough to get him out of the binding spell, but no dice. And the seer was still bloody talking. 

"Magick is coming. I thought it might not happen at all, but it seems there is hope for my people yet." Her smile this time seemed genuine. "Do not betray that hope, Arthur Pendragon." And with a wave of her hand, the candles went out, and the room was plunged into darkness. Merlin felt the binding spell release and collapsed to his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to keep his magic contained. It was throbbing in pain, trying to reach out and hold something, no-that was bullshit, it was reaching for Arthur. Merlin knew what they were now, Emrys and the Once and Future King. Magick and Camelot. Arthur and Merlin.

Soulmates. 

Merlin wanted him more than anything. He wanted to see if the broken edges of his soul lined up with Arthur's; if they could bee mended with a simple  _ gestrice. _ Instead, he grabbed tight to the powers trying to rush out. It was the sharp scent of the wine pitcher he was still holding that got him to open his eyes. Someone had lit the candles again, and he could see that the wine was boiling. Whoops. He tried to cool it off without people noticing. 

While he was still kneeling behind Arthur's chair, he heard Uther stand. Merlin didn't get up. It didn't seem to matter right now. 

"This shall not be spoken of," he addressed the guards. "If I hear of any  _ untrue  _ rumours, I shall know exactly where they came from, and the consequences will be dire." The guards bowed. "Begin a search for the sorceress immediately, she can't have gotten far." The two of them scarpered off, and Merlin stood.

"Is it true?" Arthur asked. Merlin couldn't see his face, but his voice sounded hollow, empty. Merlin's magic surged towards him, wanting to fill that emptiness, wanting to claim him and fix this from the inside out.

Uther said nothing.

"How could you?" Morgana's voice shook as she stood. "How could you do that to your own people when-"

"We cannot trust magic. It is a dangerous, unpredictable force that corrupts those who use it." 

"But you used it," Arthur said. Merlin's stomach churned. It was a damn good rebuttal, but not the best takeaway. Arthur knew magic wasn't evil, there was nothing to be afraid of with that, but still... "Did you know the price?" Arthur asked.

"Yes," Uther answered. Before Arthur and Morgana could cry out at him, he continued. "I intended to pay it myself."

Arthur gasped. The king turned and placed a hand on his son's shoulder. 

"I would have given my very life for you, Arthur. For Camelot, and your mother. And yet magic," Merlin couldn't understand how much contempt could be packed into one word. "Took her instead. It was an injustice that can never be righted. The only thing I can do is protect my people from suffering in the same way. It is my duty as king to protect everyone from the evil that is magic." Arthur's father gripped his arm. "I will not let it take you. I promise. I will keep you safe."

Arthur nodded. Merlin couldn't see his face. 

"I'm going to bed," he said. His voice was quiet and even.

"Arthur!" Morgana objected, outraged.

"Very well." Uther nodded. "I will have one of the guards inform you when the sorceress is found."

"Fine." Arthur stood. He started heading out the door without even looking back. Merlin began following.

"Merlin." 

The mage flinched. It was always distressing to realize that the king knew his name. 

"Yes, sire?"

"This does not leave this room." Merlin knew a threat when he heard one.

"Of course, your majesty." He didn't wait for a dismissal to rush out to Arthur's side.

He could see Arthur's face now. There was a slightly glassy look in his eyes. His jaw was tight like it was when he was angry but couldn't show it. His shoulders were tense, and his breath was coming in short nervous puffs. Merlin glanced down to see Arthur's hands trembling slightly. They twitched as he tried not to ball them into fists where others might see. He was trying to look calm when he was anything but. Merlin was mentally calculating the distance from the dining hall to Arthur's chambers and whether the prince would be able to keep it together long enough. 

He could just barely do it, as it turned out. Merlin opened the door, and within seconds Arthur had collapsed on the ground. He took in deep, rasping gulps of air as if he couldn't breathe.

"I'm here," Merlin said. "It's alright, I'm here."

"It's not alright." Trust Arthur to argue while hyperventilating.

"Just breathe."

"How can he not-" Arthur sobbed as Merlin pushed him into leaning forward, rubbing circles into his back.

"Breathe."

"He doesn't see, he's never...he won't..." Arthur's body jerked with each sharp inhale, and Merlin began carding his fingers through soft blond hair. 

"Shh." He waited for what seemed like an hour until Arthur's shock and panic had settled somewhat into gentler cries. It was rare indeed to see Arthur cry. He didn't let it happen often and certainly didn't accept comfort when it did. But as long as Arthur wasn't pushing him away, Merlin was going to hold him.

Marriage.

He loved Arthur. He was more dear to Merlin than anyone, he was a deeply good man of upstanding character, even if he was a prat sometimes. Merlin could certainly do worse for himself. They spent all their time together anyway; being married wouldn't even be much of a change. If Arthur wanted it, that was. 

"I don't know what to do." Arthur sounded  _ scared _ , and that sounded so wrong to Merlin's ears. "Fuck, Merlin, I don't even know what I am." Arthur stood and began pacing. "I mean, aside from it being true that I'm the reason my mother is dead, I'm the reason my father's persecuted our people to their deaths. I'm the reason he's never going to trust magic."

"Arthur," Merin started.

"And the marriage..." Arthur shook his head in horror.

Merlin bit his lip and spoke tentatively. "Isn't that a good thing?"

"Are you insane?!" Arthur looked directly into Merlin's eyes with burning anger. "I want to marry for love, not get  _ taken  _ by a stranger!"

It was like a slap to the face. Worse, actually. "A stranger?"

"What else should I call someone I don't know?"

Merlin felt sick. Slapping him would have been kinder. For all the time they'd spent together, for all he knew what Arthur's every expression meant, Merlin's worst fear was real. 

They didn't know each other. 

Arthur hadn't forgiven the lies, the treachery, and even if he'd been patient and willing to allow Merlin false hope, their friendship was never going to be the same. "I don't think you'll have to worry about it." Merlin managed to choke out before turning on his heel and slamming the door behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some thoughts:  
> Me: Hey can you introduce yourself so I can stop just calling you "the seer?"  
> Morgause: No. Don't want to.  
> Me: Understandable, have a nice day.
> 
> Arthur: I don't want to marry Emrys, I don't know him.  
> Merlin: I see. You hate me.  
> Arthur: What?  
> Merlin: Goodbye forever; you have broken my heart.  
> Arthur: ??????
> 
> Merlin has one braincell and he doesn't know how it works.
> 
> Spells used:  
> Ġestillaþ: 1. to rest; cease; mute; quiet; allay; make still; bestill 2. to restrain; still; stop; calm 3. to stop motion; silence. Imperative plural verb.
> 
> Ġesēþ mē biliþ: Show me images (proving the truth)  
> Ġesēþ: 1. to declare true; to state as fact; to assert; affirm 2. to prove; to show the truth of something by evidence 3. to bear witness; to attest. Imperative singular verb.  
> Biliþ: an image, a representation, resemblance, likeness, pattern, example. 
> 
> Title is from The Amazing Devil's song "King," the chapter title is from their song "Fair." (I mean it's just the phrase it's not fair but like chapter two is the next line in the song so it's worth mentioning. Go listen to that song it'll make you feel so much.)


	2. Its Not Fair How Much I Love You

Merlin understood now why Arthur made such an effort not to cry in the corridors. Two people had already stopped him to ask if he was alright. He wasn't, but he managed to shrug them off. All he wanted was to bury himself under his blankets and never come out again.

His magic scratched and clawed at his back, his ankles, his shoulders, trying to make him turn around because it wanted Arthur. He wanted Arthur. Arthur did not want him. Despite the training with Morgana, he hadn't shown Arthur anything. He still hated and feared magic, and now that hate and fear had turned to Merlin. They were bound together, and Arthur clearly resented it. 

Maybe he ought to go to the woods, or down to the dragon's keep, somewhere where he could burn off more magical energy than his room. It was obvious that he needed to, the seer had called upon his magic, but it hadn't gone anywhere yet. He needed to channel it before something exploded.

He kept heading to Gaius's anyways. He just wanted to go to bed for a good cry. 

That plan got a bit more complicated when he got there and found himself standing in front of Uther Pendragon, buzzing with unused magical energy and crying. 

"Merlin?" Gaius said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude." The last thing he'd expected was to find the king here. He knew Uther did consult Gaius for advice sometimes, but he'd been so worried about Arthur he hadn't thought of the king.

"No, no, this is a physician's office." Uther nodded. "If I wished our conversation to be private, I ought to have asked Gaius to meet me somewhere else." 

Merlin nodded abruptly, hoping the king hadn't noticed his tears. "Excuse me," he said and hurried to the back of the room.

"How is he?"

Merlin stopped in his tracks. There was only one person Uther could have meant. "He's...er..." Merlin wasn't sure what to say. It was apparent something was wrong. He couldn't work up the energy to lie, but obviously, he couldn't say everything. "He's upset. But I think things will be better in the morning."

"Yes, I suppose they often are."

It is a terrible thing to be comforted by someone you hate. Merlin bowed briefly before escaping to his room. He felt utterly wiped out, almost hollow with emotional exhaustion, but he didn't feel much like crying anymore. The door shut behind him, and he just stood there for a minute. His magic was still frantic, so he crossed to the window and opened it. Casting magic with Uther Pendragon in the adjacent room was insane, but still not the most dangerous thing he'd ever done. 

"Rén, formelt mín sorgcare." Messing with the weather could sometimes be risky, but a light rain just felt  _ right.  _ It made him feel better to have his magic stretch skyward to churn the clouds in the night sky. The eventual patter of rain on the windowpanes was steady and calming. His magic settled around the room, cool and refreshed. Cold raindrops blew into his face, washing away tears. His lip trembled, and his eyes stung. 

Things probably would be better in the morning. He and Arthur had gone through rough patches before. Not since he'd told him about the magic, but it had happened. And things had always worked out. His friendship with Arthur was more important to Merlin than anything; he was willing to work for it.

He couldn't blame Arthur for not wanting to marry him. He might have a go at him for being such an ass about it, but he wasn't angry. It hurt. It hurt more than he possibly could have imagined, but Merlin would be alright. He would have to be. He agreed that Arthur should marry for love. He wanted his friend to be happy, but he worried. It was more than just the two of their lives hanging in the balance, apparently. It was Albion. A union between Camelot and the magic that had been purged from it. A reunion between himself and the piece of his soul that had been missing all his life. 

Merlin wiped the rain and tears off of his face and closed the window. He would not force Arthur into something he didn't want. This was different than just showing him the beauty of magic; this was taking away Arthur's freedom, and Merlin simply couldn't do that. Merlin sat on his bed and drew his knees up close to his chest, where it felt like they could perhaps shelter his heart from the pain. 

There was a knock on the door.

"Yes?"

Gaius came in. "You're all wet."

"Yeah." Merlin agreed, untying his neckerchief and throwing it on the floor with a satisfying  _ thwap.  _ "Is the king still here?"

"No." Gaius sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Merlin's knee. "What on earth happened, my boy?"

Merlin then had the unpleasantly sobering realization that Gaius still didn't know that he'd told Arthur about his magic.

"Er, what did Uther tell you?" he asked, scooting over to sit next to Gaius.

"He came to ask about some terrifying, powerful figure that's allegedly coming to kidnap his son, and if I knew how to stop him."

"Hm."

"Apparently, he's called Emrys."

"Hmm."

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "Merlin."

"Arthur hates me." Merlin blurted out, bursting into tears. It wasn't what he had planned to say. He certainly hadn't planned to start wailing like a child. Well, he had, but not in front of Gaius. "We're supposed to be two sides of the same coin, partners bringing the future to fruition. But according to this prophecy, we're supposed to unite Albion through our marriage! It would have been bloody good of someone to tell me that!" 

Gaius was quiet for a moment, thinking as he placed an arm around Merlin's shaking shoulders. "Do you wish to marry Arthur?" he asked very cautiously. 

"I don't know, I've certainly never thought about it before, but..." Merlin trailed off. He was thinking about it now. Thinking about him and Arthur standing at an altar in the great hall. The sunlight would pour through the east window behind Arthur and light up his hair in that way that made him look like he was wearing a glowing crown. He would hold Merlin's hand without making a joke of it and smile...

_ What else should I call someone I don't know? _

Only he wouldn't. "It hurts so much to think he doesn't want me." Merlin choked out. "I don't know what that means."

Gaius's smile was filled with pity for his young apprentice. "I think you do, my boy."

Merlin just wept. He couldn't handle this. Hiding and waiting was hard enough when it was just waiting. He stood aside and watched as Uther hunted down his people, for no matter how powerful he was, he was helpless if he wanted to guide Arthur into being the very best he could be. But it was all for nothing because Arthur had been caged into a destiny he never wanted, bound to a monster that he was terrified of. 

"Arthur knows only that he's meant to marry a sorcerer. When he finds out that it's you, I have no doubt it will change things."

"But that's the problem, Gaius. I told him," Merlin sobbed. "I told him about my magic months ago, but it hasn't changed anything. If anything, things are worse because now he's scared of me and this..." Hot tears rolled down his face. "This has made it all so much worse."

"He knows?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that I have lied to him for years, and of course, he doesn't trust me anymore. I don't know how to fix this, Gaius."

"Arthur knows that you're Emrys?"

"He..." Merlin stopped. He hadn't told Arthur much about the prophecy. He hadn't wanted Arthur to think that he only stayed by his side because a dragon told him to; it wasn't true. And the very idea of calling himself the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth to Arthur's face was humiliating. He'd told him that he'd protect him and guide him. That should be enough.

Of course, it wasn't. 

It all happened quite quickly after that. Merlin's magic grabbed each little piece of him, yanking him away and compressing space until he was where he needed to be. He stumbled to his feet as he went from sitting to standing. He felt almost queasy; he hadn't teleported himself anywhere since before he'd left Ealdor. But then he saw Arthur sitting there, lying curled up in bed crying, and it didn't make him feel better, per se, but he was grounded.

Of course, it wasn't enough, because "We're idiots," Merlin said, suddenly standing next to Arthur's bed.

"Merlin!" Arthur jumped nearly a foot in the air and toppled right off the bed. "Why did you leave?" Merlin couldn't ignore the break in his prince's voice or the guilt it caused. Arthur didn't even put any effort into looking nonchalant as he got back up.

"I..." He couldn't explain that before knowing what Arthur had meant. "You don't know who Emrys is, do you?"

"No, that's-"

"You meant it literally. When you said he's a stranger." Merlin's heart pounded in his throat.

"Yes, and I'd quite like to know why that made you flip out and  _ leave! _ "

"I..." The news that Arthur wasn't resentful towards Merlin didn't help. It would become the truth as soon as Merlin told him about the prophecy. "I'm sorry. I just..." he cleared his throat. "I'd never heard that bit about the marriage before."

Arthur paused. "You've been crying," he said.

"So have you," Merlin retorted like a petulant child.

"Did you know about the rest of it? About what I am?"

"Well, no, actually." Merlin crossed the room and sat next to Arthur on the edge of the bed. "I'd heard of Emrys and the Once and Future King before. I know Emrys is supposed to protect him so that he..." Merlin paused, looking at the unshed tears in his prince's eyes. "So that you can unite the lands of Albion, and be the greatest king the world will ever know." The words came out almost as a whisper. "That's all I knew."

"Do you know who Emrys is?"

Merlin nodded.

"I don't care." Arthur rushed to say. 

"What?"

"I don't care who Emrys is, or that I'm supposed to marry him. I won't." Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand. "I love  _ you _ ."

For some reason, despite this having been suggested to Merlin on multiple occasions, it still caused him to cease functioning. He knew he really should respond, cry out that he loved Arthur as well and always had, but he had somehow forgotten how to speak entirely.

"Oh," was the best he could manage. 

"And I understand if you don't feel the same, but-" Arthur began to let go of Merlin's hand, leading Merlin to dart forward and grab him in return. 

"I'm Emrys."

"You...what?" Arthur blinked in confusion.

"It just er, it felt like you were about to say something gallant and romantic, and I thought I ought to stop you because you'd have sounded a bit thick, actually." Merlin's brain seemed to be restarting, which was good. "I'm Emrys."

Arthur stared at him, slack-jawed. "No, you're a bloody menace is what you are," he said after a minute.

Merlin laughed, one of those awkward, stilted laughs that only happens when it's late, and you're too tired to be emotionally sensible.

"You couldn't have said something sooner? I've been tearing my hair out!"

"I didn't realize!" Merlin laughed as his prince pulled him into a headlock.

"You'll be the death of me, I swear!" Arthur was laughing now as well. 

"Let go!" Merlin flailed and pulled at Arthur's arms until they were lying on the bed together, laughing like a pair of fools. 

The rain had stopped.

Arthur shuffled about, resting his cheek in his hand as he gazed at Merlin.

"So what's it mean, then?" he asked.

"What?"

"You 'taking' me." Merlin didn't miss the quirk of Arthur's eyebrows or the warmth colouring his face. 

Perhaps it had never been fear he'd seen in Arthur's eyes. 

Merlin looked at the young man he loved more dearly than his own life curled up next to him, large blue eyes shining with happiness. "I won't take anything you don't want to give," Merlin promised.

He certainly didn't miss the implications of lying in the prince's bed, with Arthur gently stroking Merlin's hip, his fingers slowly edging up and under the hem of Merlin's tunic. "You can have all of me."

Merlin placed his hand on top of Arthur's, stilling his wandering hand. "Not yet."

"Why?"

He tried to ignore how the disappointed look in Arthur's eyes made his magic flare with rage. He wanted Arthur so badly he could barely think, but he still knew it wasn't a good idea. His magic scrabbled against his insides, and he knew if he gave in now, he'd never be able to contain it again. "Even once you're king, we should wait a while."

"Why?" Arthur asked again. The disappointment was turning into worry. Merlin withdrew his hand from Arthur's as the magic started flowing to his fingertips, trying to get to the prince.

"If we get married out of the blue, and then legalize magic straight after, people will think I've charmed you."

Arthur snorted. "No, they won't."

"What?"

"There's not a single person in this castle, except you and my father, who hasn't already noticed I fancy you." Merlin's face blazed with heat, though he didn't feel terribly embarrassed, knowing that Arthur also hadn't noticed Merlin's feelings. "You haven't said it back yet, by the way."

"What? That I love you?"

"Mhmm. It's very stressful."

Merlin rolled his eyes. As if he hadn't just been talking about marrying Arthur. "I tell you every day."

Arthur propped himself up on his elbow. "I've certainly never heard you say it before."

The mage smiled at his prince. "Everything I do, I do because I love you."

Arthur's eyes went wide and misty. "Oh."

Merlin smiled. "It's not as if that's been a secret."

"It's not?"

"No. I told you," Merlin gently pushed Arthur's shoulder back until he was lying against the pillows with Merlin hovering over him. "You're the one who gave meaning to my life. I would be proud to be your servant until the day I die."

For a minute, Arthur just looked up at him in awe. It wasn't often Merlin rendered Arthur speechless, and he was quite enjoying it until Arthur grabbed both sides of his face and pulled. 

As it turned out, Arthur moaning was much more enjoyable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some thoughts:  
> This was gonna be slowburn but then Gaius was like "no."  
> Arthur: I love you. *noogies Merlin*  
> Me: Yeah that seems in character.
> 
> Spells used:  
> Rén, formelt mín sorgcare: Rain, melt away my sorrow.  
> Rén: Rain  
> Formelt: to melt away; liquify. Imperative singular verb.  
> Sorgcare: Sorrow, anxiety, grievous care, painful anxiety.
> 
> Again, the chapter title is from The Amazing Devil's "Fair."
> 
> ALSO I just found out you can reorder works in a series so anyone who's following this can say bye-bye to linear time.


End file.
